To Defenestrate
by VINBYL
Summary: "Well, I was wondering if…" he starts slowly, "If… you were Jamaican? Because Jamaican me crazy!"."I have been sent by the great Leek Lord, Miku-banana-milkshake-chicken-o-polygon-time-machine-rainbow!" he exclaims, "And now, I moustache you a question!"."What the flip-twister! We're freaking stepsiblings! You- just- UGH!" contains RinxLen, fluff, random stuff and bad humour.


**what I do in my not-very-spare spare time.**

**Disclaimer: I only own the personalities, plots and crap-writing.**

**(includes: randomness, bad grammar, punctuation and wording, probably some sexual jokes because I said so, and... um...**

**the short fics can either be humour & romance, just humour or just romance. just so you know.**

**and uh, there's a little bit of incest here and there. AND THERE ARE HINTS OF OTHER VOCALOID PAIRINGS. boobs**

**most of these ideas are original, or influenced by blegh, and my notes on these stories are at ze bottom.****)**

* * *

**Volume 01**

* * *

**Cats**

"Oh god."

Miku looks at me. "What is it, Rin?"

I shrug. "I just remembered I left the cat in the oven."

"…"

* * *

**Puns**

"Rinny~!" someone sings out from behind.

I twitch and turn _very_, _very _unhurriedly. Ugh. It's Len. And he's sparkling for some reason. "What do _you _want?"

Len smiles broadly. "Well, I was wondering if…" he starts slowly, "If… you were Jamaican? Because Jamaican me crazy!"

…Burn it.

Burn it before it breeds.

* * *

**Blonde Babies**

One afternoon, Miku and Rin are walking home from school.

Miku sighs. "Hey, Rin, what do you think of Len?"

Rin stops walking, leaving Miku to stride off before she realises her friend is no longer beside her. "L-Len? Think of Le- _what_?" she stammers, grimacing.

Miku raises an eyebrow. "Weren't you, like, friends when you were kids?" she asks.

"Um… yes…" Rin narrows her eyes and quickly returns to the side of her companion. "Why do you ask?"

Miku shrugs. "Well, I think he has a thing for you, Rin. When we were making out yesterday, he went all weird when you walked past. I asked him why… and he turned the colour of a tomato, saying it was nothing."

Rin's face somehow becomes an expression between disgusted and incredulity. "I still don't understand why you eat his face when he does it with about sixty other girls." she states frankly. "I mean, he could have HIV or whatever – mouth disease – from… well… _that_."

"But he's hot. Don't you agree?"

"His personality allegedly grew legs and stomped all over his face, and his ego blew his head up to the size of a beach ball. No."

"Ouch." Miku mutters, "But he has a thing for you. Actually, I caught him staring at you the other day."

"He's probably only interested in me because I don't give a crap about his face anymore." Rin says, rolling her eyes, "Honestly, I wasted so much time being supportive and quack and he takes advantage of it! Jeez, I wish sometimes he'd get hit by a bus. Karma will get back to him, I tell you, _karma will_."

Miku ignores her rant and looks thoughtful. "What happens if I lock you two up in a closet? Will I get blonde babies?"

Rin stares at the tealette, perplexed. "Do you want to _die_? Do you want him to die too?"

"Rin would never do such a thing."

"8PM sharp – bring me a machete and some paper towels. It'll be done by 10. And then we can put his body in your closet."

"Can I name the babies?"

"We're _still _on that subject?"

* * *

**Mandarins**

When I pull out that absolutely _amazing_, _gorgeously epic _name out of the hat, I didn't think the day could get any better. Well, it didn't… but who cares.

"K-K-Kagamine… Rin…" I breathe out like it's a prayer. I don't care if the whole world is giving me weird stares… I finally got the… I got… her…!

(Insert girly giggle here.)

The teacher raises her eyebrow. "Yeah, yeah, go take your seat next to your sister. You're making a scene, now, Kagamine."

"She's not my sister!" I protest, blushing.

"Whatever… cousin…" she mutters, waving me off with one hand.

I'll just ignore that, because I'm _really, really, really _happy~!

God, that sounds so gay.

But I'm still absolutely, positively exultant!

As I walk over to the spare desk beside her, I watch her put her head in her hands and start mumbling, "Oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god…"

"Hi, Rin!" I exclaim, slumping down in the seat beside her.

"Oh… hello… _Len_…" she looks like she'd rather be hit by a train. But everyone looks like that when they see me. It's because I just have that incredible effect on people. Sarcasm intended.

So, like, this is the best History lesson _ever_. Just sitting in such an awkward silence next to Kagamine Rin is absolutely exhilarating and I'm having the time of my life…

…Okay, so I need help on conversation starters – like _now_, seriously.

What does Rin like? What do I say? How do I speak again? How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? What does Rin have an interest in? Does she like bananas? Wait… no, she likes mandarins-

Mandarins! That's it!

"D-did you hear that mandarins are on sale at the supermarket?!" I ask abruptly. Rin just looks up from her work, particularly glaring.

"Do you _live_ under a _rock_?" she retorts, before looking back down and ignoring me.

I know she wants me. Badly.

* * *

**Moustaches**

Len strides into Rin's room in a top hat and tuxedo, with a moustache glued to his upper lip. Rin lifts her head slowly from the book she was reading moments ago and raises an eyebrow questioningly.

Her brother skips over to her bed and sits on her, grinning madly. He strokes his moustache thoughtfully and looks down at his twin. "Hello, Rinny-chin-chin!"

Rin frowns, squirming a bit under his heavy weight. "Len, why are you wearing…?"

Len jumps back up. "I have been sent by the great Leek Lord, Miku-banana-milkshake-chicken-o-polygon-time-machine-rainbow!" he exclaims, "And now, I moustache you a question!"

Rin blinks and tilts her head to the side. "Are you on drugs?"

"…but I shall shave it for later!"

"Miku… what did you give Len…?" Rin calls, looking actually _worried _about her brother's mental health. (She usually doesn't, because Len's mental health isn't very stable and she wouldn't be too surprised if she walked in on him pouring cereal into a glass cup and juice into a bowl.)

Len chortles and skips over to her bedroom window, placing his hand on the frame. "I would _love _to stay and chat… Miss Rin…" he says seductively, placing his other hand on his hip and posing somewhat sexually, "BUT I MOUSTACHE!"

Rin's left in confusion as her brother does a flip out her window.

Through the glass.

* * *

**Project: BB**

There's a secret gathering of the rest of the Vocaloids as Rin and Len are out shopping. They don't usually do the grocery run, but Miku threatened them with her cooking – for a week.

The familiar tealette sits at the head of the dinner table, a whiteboard displayed behind her. She's holding a stick (like, an actual tree branch) as well as equipped a fake beard and sticky-taped a strand of teal hair to her eyebrow… well, now, her monobrow.

"Thank you everyone who could make it today," Miku says, stroking her beard. Her friends could only roll their eyes. "This discussion will be based off our dear friends, Rinny and Lenny, who I've gladly forced to go out with each other for a few hours to allow this assembly to take place."

Kaito puts up his hand. "Will there be ice-cream?"

Miku glares. "No."

Kaito pouts and sinks back into his chair.

"Anyway, perhaps some of you already know about our great friends and their troubles to confess their hidden feelings for each other." Miku continues smoothly. Meiko puts up her hand.

"I'm sorry, but how the hell could Len have feelings for Rin when he's out their having intercourse with our fellow members like there's no tomorrow?" she asks. Just about all the female Vocaloid members turn to glare at her – including Miku.

"He just does." Miku states bluntly.

Meiko frowns. "Oh, okay."

Miku sighs in annoyance. "_Anyhow_, I've racked my brains for many days thinking up ways how I could help our two little blonde minions. Thus, I came up with the amazing idea of Project: BB!"

The whole group raise their eyebrows.

Meiko raises her hand once again. "What does BB mean? Big Boobies?"

Miku stands up sharply and turns to the whiteboard, flipping the cover over. Scrawled across it is a (bad) drawing of Rin and Len, with a plus in the middle of the two. An equal sign is on the other side of Len, and after that equal sign… there are two babies.

"Project: Blonde Babies!" Miku announces proudly. "We just stick them in a room together, and ta-dah! We have more blonde minions. And everyone is happy."

"But they're only… what? Fourteen, fifteen?" Luka sighs, face-palming.

Miku wiggles her finger and smiles mischievously. "Well, I'm willing to wait five years."

All the Vocaloids stare. "You're one screwed-in-the-head girl, Miku."

* * *

**Relationship**

Kaito, Meiko and Miku observe the two blonde teenagers perched on the edge of the bed, looking at each other like the other is an alien. Kaito strokes his chin. "So… what should we deem their relationship as? Twins, mirrors, lovers, enemies, best friends, married 14-year-olds, coincidental fluff, chicken, reincarnated gods, gender-bend clones of each other…?"

Meiko shrugs. "I like the thirty-first option."

Kaito looks at Meiko. "There isn't one."

"Well now there is," she states, looking proud. He sighs.

"Uh, they're French kissing each other, guys…" Miku points out quietly, and the two adults look at the teenagers who are (allegedly) attacking each other.

Kaito frowns at the blondes. "Let's just leave it open," he says frankly, before walking off to probably go fetch some ice-cream. Miku nods in agreement and follows after the blue-head, leaving Meiko still staring at the 14-year-olds.

"Make sure you use protection!" she shouts at them and then, in advance, succeeding in the same direction as her friends.

* * *

**Chu**

Two teenagers lay upon the roof, staring up at the stars in silence. The girl sits up, sighing. "I think we should go to bed, now, Len. Otherwise Mum will kill us."

Len, the boy, shrugs. "You can go, Rin; I want to stay out here a bit longer."

Rin puffs out her cheeks stubbornly. "But what happens if you fall asleep and you catch a cold? What happens if you accidentally slip off the roof, break your neck and die? What happens if you're attacked by a Velociraptor dressed in a ninja outfit?" she protests.

"What happens if I kiss you right now?" Len retorts.

Rin's eyes widen and she turns red, leaning back in shock. "W-w-w-wha-" she stammers, "B-but-"

In one swift movement, the boy puts his hand on the back of her head and pulls her down onto his lips. All of Rin's limbs stop working and she dies momentarily on top of Len, allowing herself to inhale his favourite deodorant (not that she intentionally smelt it, because that'd be weird) and his body to take control. He pulls her down firmer, permitting their lips to move against each other's tenderly, as their eyelashes flutter against one another's cheeks and their shoulders' bump together as the kiss deepens. Finally, Rin manages to gains control of her body as his hands slip further down her back, and breaks away, gasping.

She socks him in the stomach instantly. "You _jerk_!" she cries, reeling back and blushing like a madman, "What the flip-twister?! We're freaking _stepsiblings_! You- just- UGH!" she throws her hands up in defeat and turns away, sulking over the fact that her annoying, twit-of-a-step-brother just stole her first kiss. (But she was kind of glad it was him who did it.) (She doesn't want to admit it, though, because that'd be incest… or whatever.) (But Rin doesn't know it can only be incest if you're related by blood.) (Because she's stupid.) (Just kidding.)

Len turns pink and looks away, a small smile playing on his lips. "You enjoyed it, though."

Rin scoffs, folding her arms over her chest. "Did not!"

"But you kissed back!"

"That doesn't mean _anything_!"

"Yes it does!"

The two fall into a livid silence, as they reflect upon the latter event.

"Hey, Len," Rin says quietly, after a while.

"Mm?" Len responds, lifting his head from his arms to look at her. Rin's lips are curved into a minor grin.

"Can we do that again?"

* * *

**Time**

Len's been whining all day about how he has little time for everything. "And then Kaito expects me to make a clone of Miku by using her DNA, but for god's sake, I still have to make that sake-tasting sandwich for Meiko and discover how to make related people unrelated-" he rambles. Rin only stands there, not even listening, but staring into the space above his head. Or, 'matter', as Len calls it. God knows what matter is, but it sounds like something very bothersome.

Well, whatever, she isn't a scientist. She's just his stupid assistant.

"What can I _do,_ Rin?" he whines, putting his head in his hands.

Rin snaps back to reality and sets his cup of tea on the desk in front of him. "I don't know, maybe you could invent a time machine?"

Len raises his head and frowns. "That won't work."

"…why not?" Rin sounds offended. Well, she is. Anything she says is wrong when she's around Len. She can't impress him – _at all_.

Len smiles a little at her cute reaction to his blunt insult. "Because time doesn't exist,"

Rin tilts her head, confused. "How can it not exist when I have it on my wrist?"

Len sighs, taking a sip of his tea. "Well… we only invented time because organised people needed it…" he states, "But really, all that naturally _does _exist is 'night and day', not hours, minutes or seconds…"

Rin frowns. "Oh,"

"Speaking of time," Len starts again, taking another gulp of his tea, "what time are you leaving?"

Rin glances at the clock on the wall. She doesn't really get why Len says he doesn't believe in time or whatever when he has a clock on his wall (but Len says he doesn't believe in a lot of things and tends to still mention them – i.e. religion). "Oh… six…" she says unsurely, when she notices the clock says something-around-five-to-six.

Len nods. "I see."

Rin smiles hesitantly and starts to pack up some of her belongings, as well as cleaning Len's office in the meantime (because Len just lets his room get messy and doesn't care about it at all. She's tried telling him he'd get vermin and everything, but he just laughed).

Len follows Rin to wave her off. Even though he looks calm and collected, he's shitting bricks. Because scientists can shit bricks. Specifically, scientists called Len.

"Oh, um, Rin," Len murmurs, just before she walks out the door. She turns and smiles unexpectedly. "Have you got plans for Friday night?"

Rin stares. "No, no… I don't. Why?"

Len narrows his gaze to his feet and adjusts his collar apprehensively. "I was, uh, planning to talk over next month's schedule with you… over… um… dinner, if that's alright?"

(Len sucks at being honest.)

(He has to bring science into _everything _these days.)

(Goddammit.)

Rin tilts her head questioningly. "It seems fine. I don't mind staying back later though today and doing that if it's too much of a hassle to plan on Fri–"

"No!" Len exclaims hastily, before clearing his throat and laughing nervously. "No, I mean, it's fine as long as it's fine with you…" he flashes a smile at Rin.

Rin's taken aback. Usually Len looks all serious and stuff, but the carefree and easy-going smile he just pasted on his face made her go weird inside. Like, fuzzy and stuff… resembling a stuff toy. She forgets to reply – because she just forgets things a lot when she gets distracted.

His smile falls. "Rin? Is it okay?"

Rin's eyes widen. "No, no! I mean, yes, it's okay! It's just…" she hesitates, "Never mind… Uh, how about I call you tomorrow and we can… discuss it more?" she feels flustered and jittery, something she usually _never _experiences around Len.

In the faint light, he looks tired – but it looks _hot_. His smile had made his whole face practically _glow_ and his cerulean orbs just looked so suddenly _beautiful _it's kind of weird.

Since when did he get so attractive? Wait, she means – since when did his 'pheromones' become so… _amazing_? And how come she's never noticed these things before? God, even though they've been friends all their life, she's never been this way around him – like she's some lovesick teenager with a 'crush'. What happened?

Len looks a bit disappointed. "Very well…" he mutters.

Rin makes a sound between a squeal and the call of a dying elephant, quickly reaching out to grab Len's sleeve. Len turns and almost has a heart-attack when she presses her lips up against his cheek. "It's fine," she says quickly when she pulls away, "I didn't mean to make that sound like I didn't want to or anything… you know. Bye, Len."

The next minute, Len's standing alone at his doorstep, watching Rin walk off down the street in the dim afternoon light.

Once she's out of earshot, he reaches for his phone quickly and dials the number.

"Hello?" Kaito's voice came over the phone.

"S-she… s-she-she…" he stutters into the speaker.

"What? Did she reject you?" Luka's voice suddenly pops up out of nowhere. Ugh, they were probably making faces at each other at Kaito's house. But Len doesn't care.

"N-no…! She k-_kissed _me!" he exclaims breathlessly.

"Oh god, I thought you were going to say she kicked you… but, well done, Len. Let us know when the wedding is on, okay?" Luka says.

Len turns pink, even though they can't see it. "B-b-b-b-b–" he stammers, but they hang up on him.

What great and supportive friends he has.

* * *

**Message**

To: Kagamine Rin

From: Len is the most awesomest person ever!11!1!1!12

Sent: 8:45:38PM

Received: 8:46:23PM

.

HELLO

.

To: Len should go die in a hole

From: MY BEAUTIFUL FUTURE WAIFEY

Sent: 8:48:12PM

Received: 8:49:12PM

.

…did you change your name on my phone?

Wait, how did you get a hold of my phone?

.

To: Kagamine Rin

From: Len is the most awesomest person ever!11!1!1!12

Sent: 8:50:28PM

Received: 8:50:56PM

.

No… :D

.

To: Len should go die in a hole

From: MY BEAUTIFUL FUTURE WAIFEY

Sent: 8:56:37PM

Received: 8:56:59PM

.

=_= I'll kill you.

Later.

Tomorrow maybe.

.

To: Kagamine Rin

From: Len is the most gayest person ever!11!1!1!12

Sent: 8:59:34PM

Received: 9:00:23PM

.

Aw, that's so mean. D: I know you want me :3

.

To: Len should go die in a hole

From: MY BEAUTIFUL FUTURE WAIFEY

Sent: 9:01:29PM

Received: 9:01:57PM

.

Ew, gross.

.

To: Kagamine Rin

From: Len is the most gayest person ever!11!1!1!12

Sent: 9:02:28PM

Received: 9:03:36PM

.

Rin. Rin. Hey Rin. Rinny. Rinny.

…:D

.

To: Len should go die in a hole

From: MY BEAUTIFUL FUTURE WAIFEY

Sent: 9:05:23PM

Received: 9:07:12PM

.

Stop texting me, please.

.

To: Kagamine Rin

From: Len is the most gayest person ever!11!1!1!12

Sent: 9:08:14PM

Received: 9:09:49PM

.

Hey, are you a beaver? Because DAM.

.

To: Blonde kid number. 2

From: Luka

Sent: 9:10:34PM

Received: 9:11:58PM

.

Rin told me to tell you she's going to go jump off a bridge.

Better go save her, lover boy.

.

To: Kagamine Rin

From: Len is the most gayest person ever!11!1!1!12

Sent: 9:12:17PM

Received: 9:13:43PM

.

OMG RINNY NO. DDDDDD:

.

To: Len should go die in a hole

From: MY BEAUTIFUL FUTURE WAIFEY

Sent: 9:14:23PM

Received: 9:14:53PM

.

DON'T COME LOOKING FOR ME OR I'LL PUSH YOU OFF THE BRIDGE INSTEAD.

.

To: Kagamine Rin

From: Len is the most gayest person ever!11!1!1!12

Sent: 9:16:02PM

Received: 9:17:04PM

.

…but I love you! D:

.

* * *

**Romeo**

_To my dear Juliet (Rin),_

_With her long flowing, golden hair,_

_Which isn't really that long but it just sounded dramatic._

_Kinda._

_I really like your face, because you're pretty and all._

_But you don't know who the heck I am (in which, I don't want you to know either because you'll probably gag when you know who it is)._

_I wish I could see your face more, though, but you sit in front of me in practically all our classes together, or beside me, or whatever so all I see is your hair._

_But you're still really pretty._

_I think I said that already._

_Wait… I wrote that._

_Uh._

_This is supposed to be a poem._

_But I can't write poems._

_So, roses are yellow,_

_Violets are freaking any colour (blue or something),_

_I was wondering if maybe,_

_You'd meet be tomorrow (underthecherryblossomtree)?_

_(After school preferably.)_

_(Make sure no one follows you.)_

_(But be prepared for my hideousness.)_

_(By the way, I saw you in your underwear the other day.)_

_(You looked hot.)_

_(I only saw you because I'm your next door neighbour and your window was, like, wide open for the whole world to see.)_

_(I like brackets.)_

_(Oh… and, do you know what 17x__55 is?)_

– _your secret admirer… thingy._

_._

_._

_._

_Dear Romeo,_

_You get a thirty minute detention after school._

…_And a trip to the school counsellor._

_Have fun!_

– _your teacher, Sakine-sensei… thingy_

_P.S. 17x__55 is 935._

_Why the hell are you in the top math class if you can't solve that?_

* * *

**so whenever I get a random idea that I'd like to just write without having to write like a whole 100,000 word-long fecking story or something, I just write them down like this. yeah, this is like... one chapter. more to come. but it doesn't mean I'll update often.**

**yeeeeeeeeeeeey.**

**SO DID ANYONE SEE ANY SONG REFERENCES? ;D /brick**

**um okay my story comment things or whatever:**

**Cats - **really just came to mind randomly.

**Puns - **OH GOD CHEESY PICK-UP LINES. /high-fives Len

**Blonde Babies - **psh. I don't think you can get HIV from kissing people, Rin.

I think that's herpes LOLOLO-

**Mandarins - **I wanted to make Len really weird, okay? I usually make him too serious, too emo or too perverted. yeah, so meet Weird!Len beta ver0.73

**Moustaches -** I _love _moustache jokes. meet Weird!Len beta ver1.4

**Project:BB - **anyone else like it when the whole Vocaloid clan gets together to try and make Rin pregnant with Len's babies?

...XD

**Relationship - **because people argue too much about Rin and Len's actual relationship.

THEIR ACTUAL RELATIONSHIP IS NULL. NOTHING. GEYS, THEY ARE SYNTHESIZERS. so don't get your trousers in a twist.

also because my friend the other day asked me, "Aren't they, like, brother and sister? o_o" because I drew a quick page of the manga-version of '**Puns**' (i45 .tinypic backslash 15mydzl . png) (delete the spaces and insert the backslash where it says backslash

-BECAUSE THE HTML IS STEWPED) in my sketchbook at school

I was just like, "I won't go there. I'll explain it to you later."

**Chu - **d'aww fluff :'3

egh I can't write kissing scenes SO I'M PURRAKUTISHING.

**Time - **Scientist!Len yaaaaaaaaaaay. yeah, he seems to have two personalities in this ...orzlUu

**Message - **kind of pointless, but I like those text message/facebook fanfics. they're funny to read.

**Romeo - **Meiko -insert troll-face here-

**SO I HOPE YOU GUYS, LIKE, ENJOYED THAT.**

**I highly doubt anyone would read this but whatever x'D**

**hahahaha omg I need to stop being so lazy and type up the next chapter of FOS already;;;;**

**god this author note is so long I'm sorry. probably will confuse people.**


End file.
